April 2013
March 2013
HOLY SHIT BALLS THEY HAVE TO KILL ONE ANOTHER?????/
this is my kind of video game~
i’m reading dangan ronpa and
there’s a man who’s hair is corn??????
hey lets play a game
throw kinks/fetishes at me and lets see if i have them or not
maybe you’ll learn something about me and decide 2 leave idk i just want kinks o yay
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.” —
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via loweryourstandards)
cooooooosigned, my male followers
(via earthenkinde)
i secretly hope that the only trace of this generation left in the future are only copies of josie and the pussycats and lead the people of the future that that’s really how we dressed, acted, etc.
i hate black girls
the sentence above is racist, but if you replace black girls with white girls you get a funny 1000+ note text post instead
fuck, its finally time someone pointed this out
Go to Starbucks. Order coffee for “Prisoner 24601”
When they call out your order, jump up and yell “My name is Jean Valjean!”
And if the barista replies with “AND I’M JAVERT,” you tip that motherfucker so hard
josie and the pussycats is on it’s my guilty pleasure except i don’t feel guilty about it if you don’t like this movie you literally suck
I should be sorry for this, but I’m not.
